Updated: 3 days ago

A huge congratulations to Fernando Yamasaki on his promotion to 7th degree Coral Belt. Those of us who've had the pleasure to train with Fernando know he's not big on titles, but today he officially achieved the rank of Master, so I'll have to embarrass him a little and address him by his new title.


Parabéns Mestre!






Updated: 3 days ago



Hygiene

  • Stop cutting your nails

  • Bonus points if you shoot collar grips from a distance or work leg pummels

  • Stop showering

  • Don’t use deodorant

  • Walk on the mat with your shoes

  • Walk on the floor with your bare feet, then step back on the mat

  • Have some intimate “alone time” before class and don’t wash your hands

  • Use a gi without washing it

  • Regularly add raw garlic cloves to your diet

  • Wear spats, with no second layer

  • Stop brushing your teeth

  • Bonus points if you mouth breathe next to your partner’s face in back control


Sparring

  • Get a pin and then just sit there with your weight on top and don’t try to advance/submit

  • Only go for wrist locks

  • Take grips and inside position between the slap and bump

  • Use the wall, edge of the mat, or other people sparring next to you, to control your opponents movement and finish a pass/sweep/submission

  • Always roll like it’s the finals of the world championship

  • Bonus points if you are 30+ lbs heavier or 10+ years younger than your partner

  • Move your partner around by cranking on their fingers

  • Punch/kick your partner and when they complain tell them you were just pushing them

  • Use the oil check

  • Coach tap

  • Throw a temper tantrum when you get tapped

  • Grind your elbow on your partner’s face to get the choke

  • Grow your hair out and don’t tie it up

  • Don’t wear a rash guard and drag your sweaty, hairy chest across your partner’s face

  • Cultivate five o’clock shadow and grind it into your partner’s face to turn their head

  • Ask to go light, then go 100% after the first 10 seconds

  • Go 1000% for 60 seconds, then sit out for the remainder of the round to catch your breath

  • Learn 3 moves, just keep trying to get them, and never expand your game

  • Bonus points if you can keep this up for over a decade

  • Double bonus points if you ignore your professor’s pleas to try something new and then ask them when you’re going to get promoted

  • Make excuses before you shake hands so your partner knows any submissions he gets on you don’t really count

  • Stop sparring and throw a temper tantrum any time your partner inadvertently bumps you, pokes you, or taps you with something you don’t know

  • Fake an injury to get out of a bad position

  • Drip sweat directly into your partner’s eyes or mouth

  • Instead of grabbing the gi, grab a handful of your partner’s skin

  • Use pressure points

  • Bonus points if you tell people you do them because you’re a street fighter

  • Beat the crap out of new people

  • Bonus points for neck cranks, heel hooks, and grinding your elbow in their face

  • Don’t cover scabs and wear a rough gi, so you bleed all over everyone

  • Hold a submission after the tap just to make sure your partner knows you won

  • Celebrate after tapping someone

  • Try to open the closed guard by driving your elbows into your partner’s thighs

  • Go for submission when you’re inside the closed guard

  • Wear a cup and use it as a fulcrum for armbars and kneebars

  • Bonus points if you hip thrust it into your partner’s lower back in back mount

  • Explain how the submission you’re in wouldn't work in da streetz, MMA, or broadsword combat

  • Play really slow and loose and light until you get your sneaky collar grips in, then maximum effort

  • Keep score out loud every time you advance position

  • Complain a submission is not IBJJF legal and therefore didn't count

  • Bonus points if you don't compete in IBJJF competitions


Ego

  • Refer to others of your belt rank as “The White Belts,” “The Blue Belts,” etc as though you outrank them

  • Treat lower belts like dirt

  • Bonus points if you demand “respect” when they stand up for themselves

  • Brag about who you tapped

  • Complain about someone else’s promotion

  • Bonus points if they consistently tap you


Learning Technique

  • Don’t give a reaction to your partner when they’re working a setup that requires a reaction

  • Give so much resistance to your partner that the move they’re trying to learn doesn’t work

  • Bonus points if you find a way to say “see, I told you it doesn’t work”

  • Tell your partner all the ways they’re doing a technique wrong on their first drilling rep

  • Drill the technique 2 or 3 times, then insist you’ve got it and don’t need to drill it any more

  • Bonus points if instead of stopping, you work on a new technique from Keenan Online instead of what you’re professor is teaching


Teaching

  • Make fun of students who ask questions

  • Spend half of class on warm-up exercises -- if we wanted to workout we would have signed up for CrossFit instead of BJJ

  • Promote yourself to junior professor and provide unsolicited corrections/suggestions to your teammates

  • Bonus points if, when called out by your professor, you blame it on the student you’re correcting for asking you to help

  • Double bonus points for using a fake Portuguese accent

  • Pull everyone aside after class to demonstrate a gimmicky technique you found on the internet

  • Have a bunch of unwritten rules and enforce them with beatings

  • Ignore your demonstration partner’s tap when explaining a technique

  • Provide unsolicited coaching to people who outrank you

  • Teach techniques you saw online, but haven’t pulled off in sparring

  • Fart while demonstrating the triangle choke


Tournament Behavior

  • Cheer against your teammates opponent rather than for your teammate

  • Get your whole crew together to mock the guy you just tapped

  • Shout over your professor to coach your teammates

  • Bonus points if your instructions contradict your professor’s

  • Heckle the referee

  • Bonus points if your teammate is disqualified as a result of your heckling

  • Offer to drive your teammates to the tournament, then no-show

  • Offer to drive your teammates from the tournament, then leave without them

  • Offer your teammate some of your “banned substance containing” pre-workout

  • Bonus points if they get stripped of their medal

  • Ignore a verbal tap and wait for the ref to call “parou” before you release an inside heel hook


Dude Specific

This list is meant to be tongue-in-cheek, so I’ve intentionally left out anything having to do with sexual harassment and assualt. I don’t want to minimize the seriousness of those actions by lumping them in with basic hygiene.


  • Refuse to roll with women

  • Bonus points if you direct people to a YouTube video that explains why

  • Only roll with women

  • Don’t use strength until you get caught in a submission, then power your way out

  • Mansplain technique

  • Bonus points if she outranks you


What did I miss? Let me know in the comments.


A special thank you to Bunty Bhatia, Ann Mullen, Shuofei Yang, Gary Raydon, Chris Lovelace and Sean Lynch… your suggestions have been added to the list!

Updated: Nov 10

Can anyone do Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu? The short answer is no... but anyone who wants it enough can do Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.


When training Jiu-Jitsu you will suffer physically, mentally, and emotionally. You will get bumps and bruises. You will have days when your most trusted techniques stop working. There will be times when people who are newer, smaller, or weaker than you tap you out. Most people can't handle this, but the ones who can will become more powerful and capable than they could have imagined.


Training Jiu-Jitsu will make you:

  • confident, but humble

  • strong, but gentle

  • tough, but kind

  • resilient, but flexible

  • unrelenting, but adaptable

More importantly, you will make lifelong friendships and be part of a community with other people who are on the same journey.


Below is a video of a story FOX5 did on one of my students, Ronald Mann. Ron won the first para-Jiu-Jitsu world championship and inspired a generation of para-athletes to take up Jiu-Jitsu. Unfortunately, we lost Ron in 2019, but if he were on the mat with you, he'd inspire you to become the best possible version of yourself. The video does a great job of capturing his spirit and shows what's possible if you're willing to suffer in order to grow and become the best possible version of yourself.



If you've made it this far, Jiu-Jitsu is likely for you. Call, text, or email the gym and schedule a free intro class. If you have concerns about a physical limitation you have, please let us know and we'll work with you so that you are able to train around it.